Friday, August 03, 2007

Old Habits...

Dear Bob Brezsny,
I read your horoscope every week. When things are going well in my life, it makes me happy to see that astrologically it was destined to be. And, when I encounter an unusual and frustrating number of delays, I always find it comforting to learn that one of my major planets is in retrograde. This week however, I did not find your astrological report for Pisces at all comforting.

Ron is down to six cups of coffee a day, which is much healthier than his previous 15-cup habit. We, his friends, might wish it wasn't because he joined an ascetic cult that wants him to get into top physical shape in order to fight the evil reptilian extraterrestrials that have taken over the bodies of corporate and governmental leaders. But hey, whatever works. Likewise, Pisces, this is a favorable time for you to resort to just about any legal measure in order to break the grip of your bad habits -- even if that involves substituting some rather exotic new habits for the ones you need to eliminate.

What is that supposed to mean? Are you suggesting that I join a cult so that I can get off the cupcakes, find God so that I might lose the coffee habit, or perhaps start preparing for a reptilian revolution in order to kick my ice cream habit? Bob, let me be frank with you. For years now I have ceaselessly followed your advice no matter how bohemian, outlandish, or even radical it may have seemed, but not this time. This time you have gone too far! I think I'll hang on to those old bad habits in loo of the exotic new ones you are suggesting.
Yours truly
The Gourmet Peasant

1 comment:

guesswho said...

Maybe you should take up streudel to help you kick your horoscope habit.