I Am The Coffee Robot...

In the early am, as I stumbled about my kitchen preparing coffee, I blabbered on and on to Ben about my dream of one day owning a Coffee Robot. Ben is of course no stranger to my pipe dream and has indulged my banter with an even balance of genuine amusement and patience. " What if you just had a coffee machine that was an alarm clock?" he asked as I put the water up to boil and heated two mugs. Now, almost everyone upon hearing of my fantasy, has felt the urge to stamp it out with constructive realism; little did I know Ben had join their forces. " What, do you not like the idea of a coffee robot?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. " Well, what if he just grinds the coffee?" he suggested, totally missing the point. "But your missing the point!" I replied. Calmly, I filled the grinder with coffee and held the button down, my distress visible in the creases that decorated my forehead.

Here's the thing, I'm really not as silly as I know that I seem. I realize that a mechanized coffee slave that has arms, and legs, that walks around your house, and brings you coffee, in bed, just the way you like it, just when you want it, is not realistic. This, is a fantasy, and fantasies have nothing to do with what's 'realistic.' After further discussion, Ben began to see my point, yet was still full of menacing questions. " How would you get a coffee robot? From a store, or would it be like going to the pound? Would you pick out your robot, or would it pick you?" He was certainly concerning himself with the logistics of it all, but at least he was in the spirit.

The water boiled and as I brewed the coffee, I heated some milk. " No, no, no, the robots would have to interview for the position and would have to demonstrate their coffee making abilities. There would be several models of course, some with treads, others with legs. They would come in a variety of colors and personalities. Some might be flamboyant, and others more reserved, they might even have a sense of humor." I brought the freshly brewed coffee over to the table and placed it down in front of Ben. " See, I make a wonderful Coffee Robot." I said, beaming with pride. " Careful though, its kinda hot because I heated the milk" I warned. " You heated the milk?" he asked "But I use the milk to cool the coffee down a bit. I don't like it when its too hot." My smug grin fell from my face like a drunkard from a barstool. " Don't trade me in" I pleaded. " Its just a matter of tweaking a few of the settings. I'm still a perfectly good Coffee Robot," I protested. Ben smiled behind his coffee mug, then took a sip, " don't worry, I'm not gonna trade you in."


A history in Coffee-
The FeFe Monster and The Coffee Fanatic
I Love You Coffee Robot
Grounds For Divorce
Giant Coffee Robots

How Long?

I admit it, I am utterly inept at refrigerator maintenance. In the lonely depths of my refrigerator, lettuce will slowly wither away unnoticed for weeks at a time all the while unused lemons and limes transform into fossils and blue cheese becomes a whole lot moldier that it was ever meant to be.

My roommate and I are familiar enough with the ins and outs of our untrusty fridge that we know which milk containers are safe for consumption and which ones are best avoided. We know that the three week old pork on the bottom shelf is only there to keep the four week old Merguez sandwich company and that, the Merguez sandwich is there to keep some other piece of decaying food company. It's a faulty system I realize, but it suits us fine.

What poses a problem is when a guest attempts the battle ground of our fridge unattended. Just the other day I caught a friend reaching for a month old container of orange juice. It was only as she held the container up to her mouth that I realized the disaster that was about to unfold "Stop!" I shouted, giving my friend such a fright that she spilled juice on the floor. " What's up?" she replied rather startled. "I'm not sure if its a good idea to drink that" I told her. To be honest, I had no idea what the shelf life was for a previously opened carton of orange juice.

While trying to find information on the topic of spoilage, I ran across this very amusing post over at Will Work For Food entitled, How Long Will It Last? - yes it does sound a lot like the title of some demented game show, either that or some sorrowful blues song. In the entry wwff gives us the facts on how long food items will last from apples to eggs, and fried chicken to cold cuts. By far my favorite part is the run down on mold, 'Mold is not your friend. Yes, it may be soft and fuzzy, but it is not, by any means, friendly.' Well now I know.

And the juice? There was no info here about OJ, but further Internet research revealed that an opened container of orange juice will last for 5 -14 days in the fridge. So, as it turns out my Tropicana was over the hill and was probably only hanging around to keep its old companion, Milk company. Perhaps its time they both retired.

The Texturally Challenged

All little kids like Peanut Butter and Jelly right? Wrong. When I was a little girl I was wild about Peanut Butter and could not seem to get enough of it, but was in fact scared of Jelly. You see, as a young girl I was what you might call texturally challenged in the eating department, anything too slimy on my plate and I was liable to cry. My slimy food issue was further complicated by my severe sensitivity to B-movie horror flicks and after seeing the 1958 version of The Blob, I vowed to never ever to eat that menacing gelatinous fruit compound we call Jelly.
No matter how hard parents and family members tried to convince me of the faultless attributes of fruit preserves, I held my ground and turned my nose to the stuff. As my friends easily munched away on their PB&Js, I would struggle through my pasty Peanut Butter sandwich, as it would stick to the ruff of my mouth without the aid or lubrication of grape jelly.

As an adult I have fully recovered from my fear of Jelly. And thank goodness I did, otherwise I would not have never thought to make this PB&J Ice Cream and Sorbet Swirl.
I am still working out a few minor kinks in the recipe, but this combination of Peanut Butter Ice Cream and Grape Sorbet sure is a nice way to cool off in a heat wave.