Thursday, May 17, 2007

Grounds for Divorce

In 1475, Turkish Law made it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he did not provide her with her daily quota of coffee.

I stumbled upon this as well as other interesting coffee facts while making an emergency coffee purchase this morning.
As you can see, the only coffee I had left in my freezer when I awoke was a very old bag of decaf. 'Why oh why have you forsaken me Coffee Robot?' I shouted out with as much theatrical fervor as I could muster before having had my morning dose. Frankly, it was my fault that I was out of coffee; if I were a Turkish husband in the 15th century, I would probably be facing divorce papers. Lucky for me an abundance of coffee was only a few clicks away. 15th Century Turkish husbands were not so lucky as to have access to Empire Coffee via the Internet. On their website they offer an array of services from the purchasing of their wonderfully roasted coffee beans and blends, coffee machines, and loose tease, instruction on how to buy and brew your coffee as well as the Cool and Savvy History of Coffee. Their bean selection is well rounded and the coffee descriptions crack me up. Here are a few of my picks:

Empire House Espresso Blend-
The blend for which they claim to be famous is part Mexican Italian Roast - described as "reckless but still legal in most states" - and part Brazilian French Roast.

Kona French Roast -
Described as the "Dorothy Lamour of coffee." I wasn't quite sure what they meant by this, and so I figured I would order the coffee, and rent a Dorothy Lamour film in order to find out.

Ethiopian Harrar American Roast-

"Luscious, syrupy, with Cabernet sort of notes." Something I would simply have to try.

Malawai Mapanga American Roast -

Reported to have a "come hither taste." Wouldn't this one be the Dorothy Lamour of coffee?

Having to drink stale decaf - pre-ground no less- for breakfast was an upsetting experience. However, I must say, being a 21st Century peasant I am awfully fortunate. Just think, I could be living during the The vizier Mahomet Kolpili's reign during which coffee was outlawed and offenders were sewn up in leather sacks and thrown into the river to drown.


Matthew said...

The important thing to remember about the Dorothy Lamour Of Coffees is to drink it with the Bing Crosby Of Muffins and the Bob Hope of Crullers.

Madeline said...

But of-course.