Saturday, June 28, 2008

I Am The Coffee Robot...

In the early am, as I stumbled about my kitchen preparing coffee, I blabbered on and on to Ben about my dream of one day owning a Coffee Robot. Ben is of course no stranger to my pipe dream and has indulged my banter with an even balance of genuine amusement and patience. " What if you just had a coffee machine that was an alarm clock?" he asked as I put the water up to boil and heated two mugs. Now, almost everyone upon hearing of my fantasy, has felt the urge to stamp it out with constructive realism; little did I know Ben had join their forces. " What, do you not like the idea of a coffee robot?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. " Well, what if he just grinds the coffee?" he suggested, totally missing the point. "But your missing the point!" I replied. Calmly, I filled the grinder with coffee and held the button down, my distress visible in the creases that decorated my forehead.

Here's the thing, I'm really not as silly as I know that I seem. I realize that a mechanized coffee slave that has arms, and legs, that walks around your house, and brings you coffee, in bed, just the way you like it, just when you want it, is not realistic. This, is a fantasy, and fantasies have nothing to do with what's 'realistic.' After further discussion, Ben began to see my point, yet was still full of menacing questions. " How would you get a coffee robot? From a store, or would it be like going to the pound? Would you pick out your robot, or would it pick you?" He was certainly concerning himself with the logistics of it all, but at least he was in the spirit.

The water boiled and as I brewed the coffee, I heated some milk. " No, no, no, the robots would have to interview for the position and would have to demonstrate their coffee making abilities. There would be several models of course, some with treads, others with legs. They would come in a variety of colors and personalities. Some might be flamboyant, and others more reserved, they might even have a sense of humor." I brought the freshly brewed coffee over to the table and placed it down in front of Ben. " See, I make a wonderful Coffee Robot." I said, beaming with pride. " Careful though, its kinda hot because I heated the milk" I warned. " You heated the milk?" he asked "But I use the milk to cool the coffee down a bit. I don't like it when its too hot." My smug grin fell from my face like a drunkard from a barstool. " Don't trade me in" I pleaded. " Its just a matter of tweaking a few of the settings. I'm still a perfectly good Coffee Robot," I protested. Ben smiled behind his coffee mug, then took a sip, " don't worry, I'm not gonna trade you in."

A history in Coffee-
The FeFe Monster and The Coffee Fanatic

I Love You Coffee Robot
Grounds For Divorce
Giant Coffee Robots

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