I Am The Coffee Robot...

In the early am, as I stumbled about my kitchen preparing coffee, I blabbered on and on to Ben about my dream of one day owning a Coffee Robot. Ben is of course no stranger to my pipe dream and has indulged my banter with an even balance of genuine amusement and patience. " What if you just had a coffee machine that was an alarm clock?" he asked as I put the water up to boil and heated two mugs. Now, almost everyone upon hearing of my fantasy, has felt the urge to stamp it out with constructive realism; little did I know Ben had join their forces. " What, do you not like the idea of a coffee robot?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. " Well, what if he just grinds the coffee?" he suggested, totally missing the point. "But your missing the point!" I replied. Calmly, I filled the grinder with coffee and held the button down, my distress visible in the creases that decorated my forehead.

Here's the thing, I'm really not as silly as I know that I seem. I realize that a mechanized coffee slave that has arms, and legs, that walks around your house, and brings you coffee, in bed, just the way you like it, just when you want it, is not realistic. This, is a fantasy, and fantasies have nothing to do with what's 'realistic.' After further discussion, Ben began to see my point, yet was still full of menacing questions. " How would you get a coffee robot? From a store, or would it be like going to the pound? Would you pick out your robot, or would it pick you?" He was certainly concerning himself with the logistics of it all, but at least he was in the spirit.

The water boiled and as I brewed the coffee, I heated some milk. " No, no, no, the robots would have to interview for the position and would have to demonstrate their coffee making abilities. There would be several models of course, some with treads, others with legs. They would come in a variety of colors and personalities. Some might be flamboyant, and others more reserved, they might even have a sense of humor." I brought the freshly brewed coffee over to the table and placed it down in front of Ben. " See, I make a wonderful Coffee Robot." I said, beaming with pride. " Careful though, its kinda hot because I heated the milk" I warned. " You heated the milk?" he asked "But I use the milk to cool the coffee down a bit. I don't like it when its too hot." My smug grin fell from my face like a drunkard from a barstool. " Don't trade me in" I pleaded. " Its just a matter of tweaking a few of the settings. I'm still a perfectly good Coffee Robot," I protested. Ben smiled behind his coffee mug, then took a sip, " don't worry, I'm not gonna trade you in."


A history in Coffee-
The FeFe Monster and The Coffee Fanatic
I Love You Coffee Robot
Grounds For Divorce
Giant Coffee Robots

The Gripping Revelation

On the nights that I handle Hannah's wake ups, Ben kindly lets me sleep in and brings me coffee in bed. Sometimes the coffee is just the way I like it, pipping hot with just the right amount of milk and sugar. Then, other times, he brings me coffee that is too strong, with not enough milk, and to my horror, luke warm. When he hands over the flawed cup, I find it impossible to conceal my dismay. He'll look at me ruefully as I take a sip and ask, "what's the matter?" He knows of course that it's the coffee.

All the time in my head I am wondering, 'does he listen to me when I tell him that I no longer like the coffee at Fort Defiance because it is too strong for me? That, post baby I have turned into a regular strength coffee drinker?' I question weather he sees me take the time to heat my coffee cup so that my coffee is as hot as possible. Doesn't he notice that my coffee is four shades lighter than his? This is why I need a coffee robot, I declare quietly to myself.

So many rituals in my life have been changed or eradicated since the birth of my daughter, but my morning coffee is not one of them. In fact it is as important as ever. Even Hannah herself understands the transformative properties of that magical brown concoction. Every morning she watches with delight as I guzzle my morning potion waiting with glee for it to take effect. I wonder how old she will have to be before she can make me coffee in the morning...

It was this past Tuesday night that I had the gripping revelation. They were playing WALLIE at the pier and Ben and I were picnicking. I had made sandwiches and he had made potato salad. I forgot to put basil on the sandwiches and they weren't very good, but he didn't say anything. As I watched the movie, ironically about a cute little robot, I realized that, on those morning where I am too tired to make my own coffee, I actually do have a coffee Robot, my husband. And as I watched my coffee robot eat my untasty sandwich without complaint, it hit me. Though it has been my dream to own one, I don't actually deserve a coffee robot. Awch.

I Love You Coffee Robot

Those of you who are familiar with my The Fefe Monster and The Coffee Fanatic post already know that my love of coffee is so great that “I dream of the day they invent a ‘coffee Robot’ that will brew coffee to my liking and wheel it in to me first thing in the morning saying, with electronic intonation, ‘Here is your coffee…Madeline.’” For those of you who have not yet read the entry, now you know, I long for a robotic coffee slave.
You may laugh, thinking that I am merely joking, but let me assure you, I am rather serious. I have spent many a lazy mornings in bed dreaming of my Coffee Robot, her tin can legs, her flashing R2-D2 lights, and her electronic purr. On indecently early alarm-clock-mornings I experience the excruciating anguish of her truancy and as I pull my weary bones from the warm and feathery comforts of my bed, I am welcomed by the unsavory bite of cold and the shameful sting of reality: I am the coffee robot.

The Feefee Monster and The Coffee Fanatic Redux

I admit it. I am a coffee fanatic, a coffee geek, and a coffee snob. I love coffee so much that I am excited about my morning cup when I go to sleep the night before. French roast, American roast, French press, drip, espresso, cappuccino, with whole milk, skim, or half and half any which way is fine with me as long as I get it strong and hot. The first thing I do upon rising is to participate in my brewing ritual. I grind, I brew, and I always heat my mug – something I picked up from my mother. I dream of the day they invent a “Coffee Robot” that will brew coffee to my liking and wheel it in to me first thing in the morning saying, with electronic intonation, “Here is your coffee…Madeline.” I owe most of my fanaticism to my mother for getting me addicted at the ripe young age of two. There I sat in my high chair, reaching with delight for my morning fix, a tippy-cup filled with five parts milk and one part coffee, what I called my “feefee.” (i was to young to say the whole word!) Until the explosive morning when my mother forgot to add the one part coffee to my milk, she was entirely unaware of the fact that she had created a feefee monster. I threw my tippy-cup on the floor. I kicked, I screamed, I cried, “FEFEEEEE, FEFEEEE!!” She had had no idea just how bad my addiction had become. She eventually weaned me off the caffeine, but by age twelve I was drinking a cappuccino before school every morning.

Why am I telling you this? Well, partially because it is one of my favorite stories to tell, and partly because I want you to take me very seriously when I tell you that you should forever buy your coffee from Empire Coffee & Tea co. They are truly the best roasters around. Many others, claiming to be serious about their coffee, will tell you to buy from Puerto Rican Coffee co. PR Coffee co. my ass! Okay, perhaps that was a little harsh. PR’s coffee is good coffee, but it is maybe my second or third choice. More often than not their beans taste bitter and burnt. Empire’s coffee is simply better. Maybe its because they roast in small batches, or maybe its because they have been doing it with love for 91 years, who knows why . The store is located on 9th avenue in the forties and is nothing fancy. There are two couches in the front and sacks of coffee and jars of tea in the back. You can buy your coffee by the pound, or have a fresh brewed cup and biscotti from the counter. I have been going there for about 15 years now, and the staff has always been incredibly nice, it’s actually almost bizarre how nice- this is NY after all. If ninth ave and 42nd is too out of the way for you, you can order their coffee online. The web sight is a little wacky and easy to navigate, after you fill out you order form you can leave a comment, or “ you could write some poetry if you like.” I left a bit of Pablo Neruda the last time I ordered.
So if you yourself are a coffee snob, or just interested in becoming one check out Empire Coffee & Tea co. online or at their store locations:

568 9th ave (41st-42nd streets)
nyc, ny, 10036
(212) 268- 1220
(800) 262- 5908

http://www.empirecoffeetea.com/start.htm

The Fefe Monster and The Coffee Fanatic

I admit it. I am a coffee fanatic, a coffee geek, and a coffee snob. I love coffee so much that I am excited about my morning cup when I go to sleep the night before. French roast, American roast, French press, drip, espresso, cappuccino, with whole milk, skim, or half and half any which way is fine with me as long as I get it strong and hot. The first thing I do upon rising is to participate in my brewing ritual. I grind, I brew, and I always heat my mug – something I picked up from my mother. I dream of the day they invent a “coffee Robot” that will brew coffee to my liking and wheel it in to me first thing in the morning saying, with electronic intonation, “Here is your coffee…Madeline.” I owe most of my fanaticism to my mother for getting me addicted at the ripe young age of two. There I sat in my high chair, reaching with delight for my morning fix, a tippy-cup filled with five parts milk and one part coffee, what I called my “fefe.” Until the explosive morning when my mother forgot to add the one part coffee to my milk, she was entirely unaware of the fact that she had created a fefe monster. I threw my tippy-cup on the floor. I kicked, I screamed, I cried, “FEFEEEEE, FEFEEEE!!” She had had no idea just how bad my adiction had become. She eventually weaned me off the caffeine, but by age twelve I was drinking a cappuccino before school every morning.
Why am I telling you this? Well, partially because it is one of my favorite stories to tell, and partly because I want you to take me very seriously when I tell you that you should forever buy your coffee from Empire Coffee & Tea co. They are truly the best roasters around. Many others, claiming to be serious about their coffee, will tell you to buy from Puerto Rican Coffee co. PR Coffee co. my ass! Okay, perhaps that was a little harsh. PR’s coffee is good coffee, but it is maybe my second or third choice. More often than not their beans taste bitter and burnt. Empire’s coffee is simply better. Maybe its because they roast in small batches, or maybe its because they have been doing it with love for 91 years, who knows why . The store is located on 9th avenue in the forties and is nothing fancy. There are two couches in the front and sacks of coffee and jars of tea in the back. You can buy your coffee by the pound, or have a fresh brewed cup and biscotti from the counter. I have been going there for about 15 years now, and the staff has always been incredibly nice, it’s actually almost bizarre how nice- this is NY after all. If ninth ave and 42nd is too out of the way for you, you can order their coffee online. The web sight is a little wacky and easy to navigate, after you fill out you order form you can leave a comment, or “ you could write some poetry if you like.”
So if you yourself are a coffee snob, or just interested in becoming one check out Empire Coffee & Tea co. online or at their store locations:

568 9th ave (41st-42nd streets)
nyc, ny, 10036
(212) 268- 1220
(800) 262- 5908

http://www.empirecoffeetea.com/start.htm

Grounds for Divorce

In 1475, Turkish Law made it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he did not provide her with her daily quota of coffee.

I stumbled upon this as well as other interesting coffee facts while making an emergency coffee purchase this morning.
As you can see, the only coffee I had left in my freezer when I awoke was a very old bag of decaf. 'Why oh why have you forsaken me Coffee Robot?' I shouted out with as much theatrical fervor as I could muster before having had my morning dose. Frankly, it was my fault that I was out of coffee; if I were a Turkish husband in the 15th century, I would probably be facing divorce papers. Lucky for me an abundance of coffee was only a few clicks away. 15th Century Turkish husbands were not so lucky as to have access to Empire Coffee via the Internet. On their website they offer an array of services from the purchasing of their wonderfully roasted coffee beans and blends, coffee machines, and loose tease, instruction on how to buy and brew your coffee as well as the Cool and Savvy History of Coffee. Their bean selection is well rounded and the coffee descriptions crack me up. Here are a few of my picks:

Empire House Espresso Blend-
The blend for which they claim to be famous is part Mexican Italian Roast - described as "reckless but still legal in most states" - and part Brazilian French Roast.

Kona French Roast -
Described as the "Dorothy Lamour of coffee." I wasn't quite sure what they meant by this, and so I figured I would order the coffee, and rent a Dorothy Lamour film in order to find out.


Ethiopian Harrar American Roast-
"Luscious, syrupy, with Cabernet sort of notes." Something I would simply have to try.


Malawai Mapanga American Roast -
Reported to have a "come hither taste." Wouldn't this one be the Dorothy Lamour of coffee?

Having to drink stale decaf - pre-ground no less- for breakfast was an upsetting experience. However, I must say, being a 21st Century peasant I am awfully fortunate. Just think, I could be living during the The vizier Mahomet Kolpili's reign during which coffee was outlawed and offenders were sewn up in leather sacks and thrown into the river to drown.

Food, Wine, Coffee, and Robotics

There now exists a Robot that has the sensory capability to pinpoint the region of any tasted wine, as well as to detect the subtle differences in terrior within subregions of that wine(sometimes a matter of a few miles.)
There also exists a Health and Food Advice Robot that can distinguish between thirty different kinds of wine, cheeses, and breads in order to give advice that reinforces healthy choices. And finally, there exists the prototype of a Robot that will cook you dinner.
Now, I have no qualms about letting one Robot offer me wine suggestions while another gives me health advice, and another cooks dinner. Nevertheless, I must ask the question, if scientists can do all of these things, why the hell have they yet to invent a Coffee Robot? I just don't understand!

Evolution of The Coffee Robot

I'm telling you man, it's like...in the future, everything's just gonna be done my humans.


I sure as hell better have a Robot that makes me my coffee before you find me making coffee for my Robot. It's evolution baby...

100th Post- The Ballots Are In

Well its my 100th post and the votes are in. After tallying the ballots it was interesting to find out which posts people responded to the most. They were certainly different than what I had expected.

Number one on the list is Gourmet Math - A Losing Battle. I must admit that this too is one of my favorites. I think I am still making up those extra miles.

Coming in just behind Gourmet Math is I Love You Coffee Robot. For very obvious reasons this is at the very top of my favorites list. It did surprise me however that others felt the same. As Joe said, "I really think you were on to something there."

Other favorites include, Spare Change and Bread Pudding with a Twist
A Word With Martiny, and one of my favorites that did not receive any votes The Sacred Mango Message.


If you did not get a chance to vote but would still like to, please feel free. It has been a pleasure reading your e-mails and comments.

I love you _____ Robot...

Midge Some say that I should give it up, my peculiar fascination with coffee Robots...

Maxwell & Marcus
I say, its hard thing to kick when, everywhere I go, I am tormented by gangs of cool looking robots.
Ron
Why just the other day, while strolling down Atlantic Ave. minding my own business, I spot these guys in a window display. None of them make coffee for you in the morning. In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't do anything other than look funky. I still love them despite their obvious disabilities and have taken it upon myself to name each and everyone of them.

Giant (Coffee) Robots...

Imagine my delight when I saw the sign for The Giant Robot Store while driving around in LA.
Now imagine my disappointment when I discovered that Giant Robots did not house any Coffee Robots, because they did not in fact stock any Robots at all.

Instead they had novelty items like this plastic, brown, square monster thing eating some weird looking cookies.

What kind of a sick joke is that anyway?

Embracing Narcissism - An Interview

I read about this interview meme on Marce's wonderful food blog, Pip in The City and, like Marce, I am not the type to shy away from an opportunity to talk about myself. Though I have always thought of myself as shy, it is time for me to come to terms with the fact that having a blog that chronicles my life in food is not exactly something a modest individual would think to do. So here goes (deep breathe): I am embracing the narcissist within. Here are the five question that Marce composed specifically for me:

1. Have you always lived in NYC? What´s your favorite thing about the city? What´s the thing you hate the most about it?

I have lived in NYC all my life, though I have traveled a whole bunch - I lived upstate for an extended summer and hung out in Mexico for six months - I have always come back to the city.
It is as though I am constantly rediscovering the life, energy, and culture that intersect here every day. There is a complexity within this shared experience that cannot be defined and is not entirely good or bad and for some strange reason I find that comforting.

The upside to living here, is that I can have pan au chocolate from Patisserie Claude on West Forth Street for breakfast, Tamales filled with chicken and Mole Poblano for lunch in Sunset Park, Chicken Tikka Masala and naan for dinner in Queens, then Baklava from Damascus Bakery on Atlantic Avenue. Sure I’ll end up with heartburn, but it’s a small price to pay for love…of food. And of course international eating events are not the only thing I like about the diversity of the city; I like that out of most of the people I meet, I am the only one from here. Everyone is from somewhere else, a different state, a different country or continent, it makes interaction so much more interesting and challenging.
The down side of the City is the crowds of people. There are millions of people who live here, then add tourists, commuters, etc. At times it gets to be too much. If you want a strong sense of community you have to work hard to create it and to maintain it.

2. Which is your favorite restaurant and why?

Hands down it is, or rather was, The Grange Hall. Sadly the restaurant closed down in 2004 when they lost they’re least.
Here are some friends and I having a wonderful dinner at The Grange. I have a dozen or so pictures, with many of the same satisfied faces, all of them with us sitting around a table at the Grange.

I have never gotten over the tragedy. I wonder if I can put into words the deep affection I feel for the Grange Hall. The food was just my style, urban peasant with seasonal vegetables, homemade wild boar sausage, fresh raspberry dressing (I would eat this by the bowlful), hearty pancakes, and turkey clubs with thick slice bacon and hand cut home baked bread; it was basically American food at its finest. The art deco bar, cozy booths, and 30’s swing music, coupled with the eclectic and interesting wait staff also helped. Lets just say, brunch in NYC will never be the same.

3. What´s your fondest food-related memory?
I suppose I would have to say cooking with my mother as a child. My mom is master a baker, and when she would make cakes, cookies, and muffins, I was put in charge of the mixer. With her long brown hair tied back loosely in a bun and a splattered white apron she would instruct me, “okay Madeline, bring the round lever to the number 2.” Standing on a chair in order to reach the levers, I would diligently pull the lever and stair down at all the ingredients slowly merge into one confectionery mass. The procces was exciting and it made me feel incredibly important to be involved.

4. How do you think your friends would describe you?

Hum. Wonderfully gluttonous, magnificently obsessed, fantastically fanatical…

5. Besides ice cream, what is one thing you just couldn’t live without?

There are so many things I could say off the top of my head, yogurt, and chocolate are at the top of the list. When I give it some deeper thought however, there is only one thing that I consume day in and day out no matter what. If I were to go a day without it - the thought pains me - it would be an outrage in the highest and would probably entail loads whining, whimpering, and perhaps even a temper tantrum. I’m speaking of coffee of course, I don’t dream of one day owning a yogurt robot now do I?



If you would like to participate here's what to do:

DIRECTIONS FOR THE INTERVIEW MEME
1. Leave a comment saying, “Interview me.” or sent me and email at :gourmetpeasant@gmail.com
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. Please make sure I have your email address.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.